Well, couple of embryos anyway.
In the official language of the internets - I am PUPO - Pregnant until proven otherwise. Or more less positively - the dreaded two week wait. Yes, the 2ww, where every symptom is ruthlessly overanalysed, every twinge discussed and thought about, and every waking moment consumed by the need to think about something else. Its just like Disneyland but without the treats.
Old wives tales abound - rest a lot, don't rest a lot, continue your normal routine, eat pineapple, don't eat pineapple, don't have spa's or do anything to raise your temperature, have sex, don't have sex. Eat anything, eat like you are pregant. Do you see my point!
My new theory is that since crack-whores in alleys appear to be the only people actually getting pregnant at the moment, I should lie around in alleys and take lots of crack. Seriously, this could be the missing ingredient in my pregnancy attempts. Unsurprisingly, no one else seems to think this is a good idea. Bah, what would medical professionsals know anyway.
I start shooting up the rest of my drugs and add progesterone and prednisolone to the mix. Its a fairly standard routine, but since it has to be done at certain time points, it does make having a life a little tricky.
Odd things that they do on transfer day - they gave us a photo of the embryos that they were transferring. "Oh, look, they have your trophoblast"??????
They have transferred two embyros, one hatching and the other pretty close. Out of the rest only 2 are suitable for freezing, the rest are too fragmented. Still thats 3 more than last time, it just seems such a huge waste - out of 24, 4 are even possibles, let alone getting through the 2ww and then thawing.
I'm going off to quietly panic. Please stick around, little people. Stick around and grow.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Life outside of IVF
Nope, fooled you, we dont really have one.
I promised myself that this time we would have a life outside of IVF, that I wouldn't become consumed while I was cycling, but I have come to the conclusion that the only way to do that is either not cycle or just go into an induced coma.
Which, incidentally, isn't such a bad idea. I wonder how you go getting yourself put in long term stasis.
Spot got promoted, which is fabulous, the bloating seems to have started to come down, which is also fabulous.
In an effort not to turn into a parody of myself where all I can talk about is my ivf, I have told hardly anyone about this cycle. It means that I don't have to answer questions and there is no expectant looks. Not my friends, not my family. Time enough for telling when there is something to tell. Last night at dinner with friends, I discovered that Spot does not feel this way, and although they respect my right not to talk about it, all are busily keeping track of every development through facebook and sms. I know we covered this earlier, but when is it ok to kill your partner :).
He has tried to explain it by claiming that extroverts (which he is) need to talk more than introverts (which I am), and that he can't help it, it just slips out cos he is excited. Uh huh.
Eggwatch Day 4 -
6 appear like they will make it to blastocyst, and the other two look like they will catch up. The scientist refuses to discuss how well they are doing, there is some fragmentation, but at this stage, there should be something to transfer tomorrow. My E2 is still really high, but my FS says that we should be able to sneak in a transfer and then deal with the OHSS if it happens, but the E2 has come down enought that it should be OK.
My poor little runt is still quivering away but it doesn't look good for him.
I promised myself that this time we would have a life outside of IVF, that I wouldn't become consumed while I was cycling, but I have come to the conclusion that the only way to do that is either not cycle or just go into an induced coma.
Which, incidentally, isn't such a bad idea. I wonder how you go getting yourself put in long term stasis.
Spot got promoted, which is fabulous, the bloating seems to have started to come down, which is also fabulous.
In an effort not to turn into a parody of myself where all I can talk about is my ivf, I have told hardly anyone about this cycle. It means that I don't have to answer questions and there is no expectant looks. Not my friends, not my family. Time enough for telling when there is something to tell. Last night at dinner with friends, I discovered that Spot does not feel this way, and although they respect my right not to talk about it, all are busily keeping track of every development through facebook and sms. I know we covered this earlier, but when is it ok to kill your partner :).
He has tried to explain it by claiming that extroverts (which he is) need to talk more than introverts (which I am), and that he can't help it, it just slips out cos he is excited. Uh huh.
Eggwatch Day 4 -
6 appear like they will make it to blastocyst, and the other two look like they will catch up. The scientist refuses to discuss how well they are doing, there is some fragmentation, but at this stage, there should be something to transfer tomorrow. My E2 is still really high, but my FS says that we should be able to sneak in a transfer and then deal with the OHSS if it happens, but the E2 has come down enought that it should be OK.
My poor little runt is still quivering away but it doesn't look good for him.
Friday, June 19, 2009
My favourite is the runt
Day 3 embryo update:
8 still dividing nicely, and a ninth that seems suspended on 4 cells. It hasn't actually given up the ghost, just sits there quivering like it is going to get round to dividing but really, whats the point.
I hope that it gets it act together - my money is on the runt.
Still with the massive ouch, Sandy tells me that I shouldn't feel anything through the incredibly powerful painkillers, I should barely be able to move. Ummmmm, what painkillers?? Turns out I left a script behind in my rush to get out of the hospital. So, the wonderful shiny nurses fax through a prescription to my local chemist and now it turns out that I am probably not dying of septicaemia after all, but am happily floating away on the pink fluffy cloud.
Did I mention I love these girls.
I really hope my little runt gets it together
8 still dividing nicely, and a ninth that seems suspended on 4 cells. It hasn't actually given up the ghost, just sits there quivering like it is going to get round to dividing but really, whats the point.
I hope that it gets it act together - my money is on the runt.
Still with the massive ouch, Sandy tells me that I shouldn't feel anything through the incredibly powerful painkillers, I should barely be able to move. Ummmmm, what painkillers?? Turns out I left a script behind in my rush to get out of the hospital. So, the wonderful shiny nurses fax through a prescription to my local chemist and now it turns out that I am probably not dying of septicaemia after all, but am happily floating away on the pink fluffy cloud.
Did I mention I love these girls.
I really hope my little runt gets it together
Thursday, June 18, 2009
So sorry
Heard today that beloved friends have lost their baby. Second time in a short time too, my heart bleeds for them, and I wish there were words.
There is a very small but very close community who understand what this pain feels like, over and over again, and I wish I could explain how amazing and joyous these women are. How optimistic, and how they fill my heart with hope over, and over.
Like so many others, I long for words, but there aren't any.
I'm soooo sorry, Jo.
There is a very small but very close community who understand what this pain feels like, over and over again, and I wish I could explain how amazing and joyous these women are. How optimistic, and how they fill my heart with hope over, and over.
Like so many others, I long for words, but there aren't any.
I'm soooo sorry, Jo.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Fly, fly my pretties
Ok, so not so bad. I get to go first cos my numbers are so high, so I am out of surgery by 9.30. Spot has his contribution in and ready to go, (and gets a "Well done" from the nurse, go figure).
25 eggs harvested
19 mature
14 fertilesed.
My E2 is insane, but only on the slightly bad side of insane, and the FS is optimistic that transfer will go ahead. Im going home to drink lots and lots and hope that it comes down.
Grow, little ones, grow.
Oh, and ouch!
Spot brings tea and biscuits at alarmingly regular intervals - he is good with practical problem solving and I sleep most of the afternoon after the scientists ring, but oh, OUCH!
25 eggs harvested
19 mature
14 fertilesed.
My E2 is insane, but only on the slightly bad side of insane, and the FS is optimistic that transfer will go ahead. Im going home to drink lots and lots and hope that it comes down.
Grow, little ones, grow.
Oh, and ouch!
Spot brings tea and biscuits at alarmingly regular intervals - he is good with practical problem solving and I sleep most of the afternoon after the scientists ring, but oh, OUCH!
Monday, June 15, 2009
My cover is blown
Ultrasound this morning - there are about 19 follicles and the dominant ones are huge! They run out of room to write down the numbers. Rather than worry about not having enough mature eggs, I can now worry about not getting to EPU because my numbers are too big.
On the totally not bright side - I walk out of the blood test at the clinic this morning to find my general manager and his partner sitting there waiting to go in. There is no easy way around this, we both know why we are here, its a fertility clinic, not a general practitioner.
If anyone needs me, I am dying of embarassment over in the corner.
Sandy rings this afternoon to tell me that my E2 is borderline and they are worried that I am going to ovulate regardless, so they will trigger tonight and do EPU on Wednesday. I ask what are the chances of going ahead with transfer and she prevaricates. Oh good!
Oh the bright side, since having ovaries the size of tennis balls is less than amusing - I cant wait. I'm still not feeling that excited or hopeful, I just want this over.
On the totally not bright side - I walk out of the blood test at the clinic this morning to find my general manager and his partner sitting there waiting to go in. There is no easy way around this, we both know why we are here, its a fertility clinic, not a general practitioner.
If anyone needs me, I am dying of embarassment over in the corner.
Sandy rings this afternoon to tell me that my E2 is borderline and they are worried that I am going to ovulate regardless, so they will trigger tonight and do EPU on Wednesday. I ask what are the chances of going ahead with transfer and she prevaricates. Oh good!
Oh the bright side, since having ovaries the size of tennis balls is less than amusing - I cant wait. I'm still not feeling that excited or hopeful, I just want this over.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Still up there
Yep, its still climbing. Massively.
Still on the beginning of the danger zone. So, so far, so good. Sandy thinks it might be a good idea to have the ultrasound on Monday, to see where the follicles are up too. I am sure I will think so too, particularly after I sit down with Dr Google and figure out what I can panic about.
EPU isnt supposed to be until next Friday, but I begin hinting to work that I may need to start my leave early. Cough, cough, yep, definitely not feeling well.
Swine flu, anyone?
Still on the beginning of the danger zone. So, so far, so good. Sandy thinks it might be a good idea to have the ultrasound on Monday, to see where the follicles are up too. I am sure I will think so too, particularly after I sit down with Dr Google and figure out what I can panic about.
EPU isnt supposed to be until next Friday, but I begin hinting to work that I may need to start my leave early. Cough, cough, yep, definitely not feeling well.
Swine flu, anyone?
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