Sunday, bloody Sunday

I hate Sunday's.

I used to like them, lazy days when you had finished all your bits and pieces and could just potter around. Days when you could cook roasts and deserts and treats, and generally be slow.

Now, not so much.

Sunday, for some unknown reason, is when I start bleeding again. Usually Sunday night around 10pm, just as I am going to bed. No quiet Sunday night for me, just bright red blood. Sunday nights are spend in ED or panicing before ringing the clinic on Monday morning. By Thursday or Friday the spotting has stopped and then ... yep, Sunday.

I find myself praying, trying to remember lost words from my childhood, or a patron saint of pregnancies, or a god to whom a sacrificial turtle dove will save my baby. According to my research, I'm not sure that most gods are useful here, not being much good at bargaining, being into that all Karma thing, but I am hoping for a decent if-then exchange. If I promise to sacrifice then ... I can definitely find some people to sacrifice, in case anyone has a god that might be useful.

I'm quietly panicing today. The news from the wires hasn't been good, and I am 9w 2d. Its been 4 days since my last u/s and I keep getting mugged as I meander down memory lane. I have never made it this far before, never got a heartbeat in the right place, never had a bean stick around this long, which of course, just makes Sunday's worse. Is this the bleeding that is going to start the chain of "no longer bleeding, just miscarrying now"?

And its two days to my next u/s ...